They’ve been with you for years and then...they’re gone! In an instant your dreams and hopes are dashed against the merciless rocks of loss and you will always have an empty place where they once were.

Pretty dramatic beginning, wasn‘t it?

I suppose all those metaphors and such can apply to loved ones or pets, or whatever else, but that’s not what this is about. I’m talking about webcomics. The whole newsletter is about them, remember? What do you do when one of your most beloved, cherished comics bites the big one? Not sure? Just follow this easy guide, which I like to call...

Step One: Denial and Shock
You’ve just clicked over and the author has up a bunch of text explaining his or her desire/need/sudden annoying urge to stop making said comic. For a few minutes you should sit there and just stare at the screen. Feel free to drool slightly, but only if no one is around.

Step Two: Anger
How could they do this to you? You love those characters! You wanted them to stay forever. That ~insert expletive here~ ! How dare they? They had an unwritten contract with you, darnit, that they would go on forever! During this phase, feel free to scream, yell, kick things (preferably inexpensive and inanimate), act grumpy to those around you and write scathing gripe-fests on message or tagboards. Angry emails to the artist are also an acceptable substitute.

Step Three: Bargaining
You promise to buy any and all merchandise the comic maker comes out with. You promise to get fifty-thousand unique hits a day for the rest of your life. You vote-vote-vote-vote-vote-vote-vote until you run out of computers in the library, the school computer lab, and all your friends' houses. This stage is just pathetic. Let’s move on, shall we?

Step Four: Guilt
It’s all your fault. You didn’t buy enough merchandise or get out the word about how great the comic was to your friends, family and strangers in the grocery store. Why didn’t you do more? Why? Oh god, it’s all your fault. Feel free to indulge in weeping and gnashing of teeth. Sackcloth and ashes are optional.

Step Five: Depression
There’s just nothing left. How can you live without ~insert comic or beloved character’s name here~ ? The world is dull and gray. Black armbands with the comic’s name are a socially acceptable alternative if you don’t want the “Goth” label. Okay, so you’re just really mopey and annoying during this stage. Family, friends and strangers in the park tell you to “get over it” on a regular basis. Ignore them! This is your time of grieving! Be strong!

Step Six: Loneliness
You feel like everyone’s abandoned you and you have no one. Well, you probably don’t. They got tired of you being a little rain cloud in the previous step. No one likes a little rain cloud. We all want to be happy sunshines, don’t we? That’s right, we don’t! You’re alone because of your loss. There is no spoon.

Step Seven: Acceptance
You realize you’ve been a whiny, crying, sniveling, mood-swinging dork over a webcomic that may not have been as great as you thought it was in the first place. I mean, what about all those plot holes? The jokes weren’t really that funny, were they? Plus, that one character was never drawn consistently...

Step Eight: Hope
While randomly surfing, you stumble across a new webcomic with some promise. It might be about ~insert topic you really like~, or be done in an art style you really like. There is hope, you realize, and you begin to obsess over the new strip, completely forgetting the old one existed, except for that bookmark or link that you forgot to delete.

What was that link to, anyway?

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